Has your spouse asked you to lose weight?
Maybe they haven’t asked, but have hinted and left clues along the way. You might be feeling self-conscious. If your spouse wants you to lose weight, should you do it for them?
Most likely, if your spouse has brought up concerns about your weight, they are interested in your overall health. Ultimately, any actions you take for your wellbeing should be for yourself. When we’re healthy, our relationships benefit—including our marriages.
Weight is an emotional topic for many people, and it’s a sensitive topic for couples. There are many very real markers that can lead to weight gain. These can include:
- Pregnancy and childbirth
- Stress and overwhelm
- Unhealthy work environment
- Overwork
- Lack of sleep or exercise
- Hormone changes
- Family stress
- Caretaking
- Eating habits
Finding the healthiest weight for you is a personal journey. If you want to lose weight, it’s important to address health concerns with your family physician. They can help you find possible solutions.
Shared Activities Can Help With Weight Loss
Did you know that shared activities can help you lose weight? Your spouse might want you to engage in their favorite sport or activity on your journey to better health. But if you prefer reading and your spouse is a jogger, then jogging may not be a fit for you.
The truth is, we are who we are, and we’re naturally drawn to different kinds of hobbies and activities. Sharing activities and interests in marriage is ideal, but it doesn’t always work out that way. Instead, maybe there’s a happy middle ground you can agree on together. Rather than jogging as a couple, for instance, taking walks could be a happy medium.
Think of sharing active hobbies together as a way to share and build intimacy. You don’t necessarily have to engage in your spouse’s activity. Instead, you can find something that works for both of you and keeps you moving in a healthy way. Being healthy and vital is great, but you don’t have to give up your interests or stop being you to feel healthier.
If You Want Your Spouse to Lose Weight
Asking your spouse to lose weight can be sensitive and painful for them. Be delicate in your approach. Your spouse may already be feeling overwhelmed, and is likely more aware of the issue than you are. They may already feel self-conscious about their weight, even if they haven’t said so.
Weight loss can be a difficult issue to face, and it takes a lot of energy. Make suggestions for shared activities that align with both of your interests if possible. You can say something like, “I’m on your team; I’ll do this alongside you.”
Remember, in the long run, this is about your spouse’s health and wellbeing. Let them know that you value their long-term health and vibrancy. Make an effort to find healthy, life-giving activities that help them feel nurtured.
Maintaining optimal health, especially when parenting young children, is a challenge. Maybe they haven’t had the energy to invest in themselves the way they want to. Consider your life circumstances and all the things your spouse may be trying to balance.
Don’t try to pressure them into grueling workouts if that doesn’t appeal to them. You want to ease their overwhelm, not add to it. Ask how you can create moments for your spouse that empower self-care, such as taking the kids so they can have time to exercise or helping to plan and cook healthier meals. If your spouse is stressed, see what you can take off their plate.
The most helpful thing you can do for your spouse in this situation is to love them with your whole heart. Make them feel like the most loved person on earth. Love reassures your spouse that you’re still fully committed to them, and their value isn’t diminished in their eyes. Knowing how much you love them can empower them to care for themselves.
Our book, Healthy Me, Healthy Us, expands on this idea: Your marriage is only as healthy as you are. The single most important thing each of you can do for your relationship is to be healthy, not just where weight is concerned. Rather than focusing on all the things you want your spouse to do to improve their health, focus on how you can be healthier first. This book will help you do just that.
Have you and your spouse shared difficult conversations about weight loss? Have you gone on a weight loss journey together? Share your experiences in the comments.
