Should spouses agree on everything?
When you love someone, you naturally want them to agree with you in all areas. Unfortunately, that’s not realistic. No matter how compatible two people are, they will never align on every issue.
It’s normal to crave full agreement from your spouse, especially when it comes to the issues that matter most to you. But when you cross the line from simply desiring agreement to trying to force it, problems can arise in your marriage. If disagreements with your spouse make you feel anxious, keep reading–let’s talk about it.
Love Allows for Individuality
First, when you truly love someone, you love who they really are. That includes their individual traits, which won’t always match yours. Let’s face it: If you and your spouse were exactly alike, you would get bored very quickly.
Loving your spouse as a complete individual means that the two of you will disagree from time to time. Although it might feel tempting to pressure your spouse to “come to your side,” the most loving thing you can do is give them space to be themselves. Put yourself in their shoes and treat them as you would like to be treated; you want the freedom to form your own opinions, too. Right?
Disagreement Doesn’t Negate Love
Disagreements in marriage don’t negate love. Just because you and your spouse differ on an important topic, that doesn’t mean they love you less. On the contrary, accepting and working through disagreements can help both of you grow.
Choosing to be comfortable with different opinions can help you both cultivate empathy. When we empathize, we make an effort to understand each other’s points of view. Understanding where your spouse is coming from is essential to deepening your love.
What About Important or Complex Issues?
When it comes to bigger disagreements, such as a clash over values or moral issues, things can become more complicated. Emotions run higher, and it can feel like much more is at stake. This is especially true if you agreed in the past, but one spouse has changed over time.
In the face of complex disagreements, empathy is more important than ever. Whatever you’re facing, it’s crucial to gain an understanding of your spouse’s perspective. Even if you never find common ground on a particular issue, the most loving thing you can do is to empathize.
It’s not wrong to want your spouse to agree with you, especially when it comes to the big things. But as humans, we change over time. Sometimes, our stances and opinions shift–and that can lead to conflict. The most important thing is to continue acting out of love for one another.
Whether you’re dealing with differences of opinion or a larger conflict, every couple can use some guidance to navigate tough conversations. Our book, The Good Fight, is a guide to help you resolve disagreements more effectively. Learn more about it and order your copy here.
How do you and your spouse handle disagreements–especially major ones? Tell us about it in the comments.
