“Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.”
—Song of Solomon 1:2
With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching romance is often a topic on our minds. But how do you keep the romance alive after years of marriage? It’s not a surprise that we all go through different seasons of marriage. Some weeks, months, or even years, are harder and less romantic than others. This is normal and can take some work to rekindle the flame, but you can get through it.
If you work hard at keeping the romance alive, it will be a game changer in your relationship. Today, we want to help you kickstart better romance in your relationship. Here are some ways on how you can achieve this.
Make romance a habit
Keeping romance in practice all year is key to an intimate relationship. You don’t need to do something daily, but try to be intentionally romantic on days that aren’t an obligatory celebration (such as an anniversary or Valentine’s). Choose a random day and surprise your spouse. You don’t need to do something extravagant each time – come up with small surprises here and there to keep the passion alive.
Here are some examples. On a weekday where you know your spouse had a difficult meeting at work, bring home flowers or chocolates. Have you been busy and on the go? Plan a romantic movie night-in together and pickup your spouse’s favorite treat to share as well. If you make romance a habit, then it will come easily and freely. And will ensue that extra spark of happiness and intimacy all year long!
Invite romantic moments
Asking for romance directly by saying “you need to be more romantic” will likely take the pleasure out of it and make it seem obligatory. However, there are ways you can say things that invite a romantic moment without making it seem like a demand.
Do you miss something your spouse used to do? Let them know by doing it. For example, tell your spouse you miss holding their hand while reaching out to take hold of it at that moment. Let them know you like physical touch and hope to share more of that. Make it clear that it’s something you love and enjoy doing with them, rather than making it a needy demand.
Another great way to invite romance is by reminding your spouse of things that they used to do that made you crazy (in a good way)! You can say “Did you ever realize the power you had over me when you would say I was the prettiest girl around? I would revel in that for days!” Communicate to your spouse how much power they have when they are romantic, and they will likely want to lean into those habits again and again.
Make a “Whatever Happened To” list
This is a fun exercise we recommend couples do together. Sit down with your spouse and make a two column list (one for each of you). The topic is “Whatever Happened To…” and each of you will fill out your side. Perhaps it’s “whatever happened to that kiss goodnight?” Or, “whatever happened to our sporadic date nights?” Maybe it’s “whatever happened to holding hands?” You get the point.
Whatever the topic is be sure to keep it fun! This isn’t a way to accuse your spouse, or let them know you are angry over something. It’s a way to say that you miss something you enjoyed together in the past, and that you’d like more of it. A list can be eye opening, and usually creates an “ah-ha” moment for a couple. It’s a great jumping off point on where you can kick up the romance meter.
Let this Valentine’s Day be the start of a year-long romantic commitment. By making a habit of it, it will soon become a forever-long commitment. Keeping the romance alive will soon become like second nature. And if you are looking for a great gift to spark your Valentine’s Day romance, check out our Love Talk Couple’s Kit here!
What are ways you and your spouse keep the romance alive? Do you celebrate each other on other days besides anniversaries and Valentine’s Day?
Yes it is important to keep the spark in the marriage by doing little things for each other more often. If not you find yourself becoming room mates.
My husband sometimes leave a little parcel on my bed in some mornings just to say I love you and appreciate you.
Some excellent ideas! After 28 years we have found that romance is more of an intentional act than it was when we were 25. We set date nights in our calendar and don’t let them get “bumped” (something we learned from seeing Les and Leslie speak years ago). We also make romance a ritual. Not ins a burdensome way, but in a joyful and honest way. We refuse to go to sleep unless we can tell each other “Sweet dreams” and ” I love you”. There is usually some kind of endearing term included in that, but it isn’t done out of obligation it is done as a thank you for the pure joy we have in each other. I also purchase a whole bunch of different greeting cards with romantic and intimate sayings on them and just randomly leave them for her in various places every few days or so.
The bottom line is we learned long ago that to keep romance alive we have to make it important and a foundational component of our lives together. So far so good!
I brought up the “Whatever Happened To” list to my little sister who just got married (5 months in) and we decided we liked “Let’s Do This More!” as a title because it sounded less negative in our opinion. Nevertheless, I love the idea of creating a list! Of course, when I asked my husband for suggestions he had no idea. It’s good that you suggest writing the ideas down so that your partner doesn’t feel pressured to answer on the spot (something I have learned my husband does not like to do). THANK YOU!! 🙂
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