Have you and your spouse ever experienced a dry season? Do you feel more like roommates than husband and wife? If you’ve felt like you’re leading separate lives lately, there’s still hope.
Marriage goes through many seasons over time. There will be periods in your life that feel less intimate than others. On the other hand, you’ll also experience times when you feel closer than ever.
If you and your spouse are living through a season of disconnection, it’s important to find ways to come back together. Let’s explore some important things you and your spouse can do to get back on track. With a little bit of effort, it’s absolutely possible.
First, Focus on What You’re Getting Right
Let’s take a step back and look at your marriage. First, you want to focus on what you and your spouse are getting right. This perspective could help make it easier to course-correct other areas of your relationship.
So let’s say you still have some passion in your marriage, and you’re committed to one another. You and your spouse have both been faithful, but emotionally, things have been feeling empty for a while. The sense of emotional intimacy you felt in the past is harder to connect with. Maybe your lives are still intertwined, but you’ve both grown increasingly independent.
First, it’s a win if you’re both still committed and enjoying physical closeness. Take a moment to enjoy a sense of gratitude for those things. At the same time, it’s crucial to understand that the three most important ingredients in romantic love–according to research out of Yale University–are passion, commitment, and intimacy. Without all three, your relationship is at risk.
Cultivate the Missing Ingredients
Now that you’ve identified what’s missing in your relationship, it’s time to add that missing ingredient once again–and cultivate it. As in our example, if you’re missing intimacy, that doesn’t mean your relationship is dead. Instead, it means that a vital component of your marriage (intimacy) needs to be revived.
Love ebbs and flows naturally. We won’t always feel a sense of emotional intimacy with one another. Knowing this, how can you move from a place of entrenched independence to enhancing your sense of connectedness over time?
- Revisit things you have in common. If you’ve lost touch, it’s time to start reconnecting. Sharing activities and interests you used to enjoy together is a great way to start.
- Re-invest in the things you each enjoy. Are you feeling bored with your spouse? Maybe they aren’t invested in the activities they used to enjoy any longer. In addition to shared interests, you should each work on cultivating your own again. This will help rekindle your zest for life.
- Take some time to review your goals together. We take time each year to focus on what we can do to improve our relationship, even if just by 10%. You can start with something simple, like committing to take a walk together every day.
- Set aside time for conversation. If you feel like you’re leading separate lives, chances are you’re likely not speaking often enough. Communicating and spending time together will help rejoin your spirits and rekindle the intimacy you’re missing.
Need help carving out time in your busy schedules? Our book, Your Time-Starved Marriage, can help. It’s a guide to help you refocus more of your time on what matters most: each other. Pick up your copy here.
Have you ever experienced a dry season in your marriage? How did you overcome it? Comment below and let us know.
