When you and your spouse first met, you were captivated by their charming personality. Maybe he made you feel like a princess, or maybe she made you feel like you were the only man in the world. It felt great to receive so much focused attention from someone who quickly became so special to you–and such a big part of your life.
Now, you’re married and building a life together, but lately you’ve noticed that your spouse has begun to pay that same kind of flirtatious attention–the kind you thought was reserved only for you–to members of the opposite sex. Maybe he flirts with his female co-workers, or maybe she’s a little too touchy-feely with male friends.
You might have begun to feel uncomfortable after noticing that your spouse freely compliments members of the opposite sex on their physical appearance or their talents. The problem is, those compliments quickly careen out of “appropriate” territory and straight into flattery.
If your spouse flirts openly with the opposite sex, it’s upsetting, disheartening, and can make you question whether he or she is trustworthy. Your spouse’s flirtatious behavior might make you wonder whether he or she is pursuing–or engaging in–an affair. Luckily, there are several things you can do to understand why your spouse is flirting–and to address the issue with your husband or wife.
Identify the root of your spouse’s flirtation
Chances are, your spouse’s flirtatious behavior is part of what drew you to them in the first place. But now, you’re wondering whether that same flirty quality is going to draw in someone besides you. This is an important question to ask yourself.
Consider whether your spouse flirts with most people (or everyone) of the opposite sex. Is the flirtation focused on many people, or just one particular person? Once you land on an answer, you’ll understand more about what you’re observing.
People who are flirtatious across the board tend to have a sense of neediness deep inside themselves. That’s what flirting is about–getting attention from others. Flirting gets us attention, and it gets our attention when others flirt with us. It makes both the giver and the receiver feel good.
If your spouse tends to flirt with many different people of the opposite gender, that’s something you’ll want to (gently) help your spouse see in themselves. Self-awareness is very healing; if your spouse realizes what they’re doing, they can do something to correct it.
On the other hand, if your spouse appears to be focused on one particular person, that could be a red flag–and it’s definitely something you need to pay attention to (and possibly address with your spouse). It might not mean anything, so be careful not to jump to conclusions or point the finger at your spouse until you have assessed the situation further.
Don’t put pressure on your spouse
When it comes to any flirty behavior you might have observed in your spouse, don’t nag or blame. Putting pressure on your spouse can make the issue worse or make them shut down completely. The one thing you don’t want to do is snuff out your spouse’s spirit; after all, that’s one of the things you love about them.
When it comes to problematic flirting, humor can be a great, light-hearted intervention. You can intervene by flirting back with your spouse (not flirting with someone else to get even). Doing this helps you serve as a mirror to them, giving them a glimpse of what the flirting looks like from the outside. Flirting isn’t nearly as adorable on an adult in a marriage relationship as it is on a dating teenager; acting the behavior out yourself might be just what your spouse needs to recognize that.
If this strategy doesn’t work, you may need to be a little more straightforward. Still, take a humorous approach to the situation. Let’s say your husband is flirting with a woman named Carol–or, conversely, your wife is flirting with a man named Jim. After the exchange, when it’s just the two of you, you can laugh and say something in good humor like, “Did you get a load of Jim’s/Carol’s face? I think he/she was a little embarrassed!”
Do be vulnerable
Nagging and pressuring your spouse won’t fix your issue, but vulnerability might. Be honest with your spouse about how it feels to watch them flirt with other people. You can say something like, “It makes me feel so bad when I see you flirting with Jim/Carol. Am I not meeting your needs? What can I do to change this for you?”
It wouldn’t hurt to ask your spouse whether they feel like you don’t give them enough attention or affirmation. Let them know the situation is troubling for you, but that you’d like to help create a solution. Most of all, resist the impulse to attack your spouse; being vulnerable and opening up is the key to solving the problem.
Remember it’s your right to ask questions
If your spouse is flirting with other members of the opposite sex, you have a right to question his or her behavior. We all experience challenges in our marriages from time to time, and this one isn’t uncommon. The bottom line is, if you’re questioning your ability to trust your spouse–and questioning whether they’re honoring you through their behavior–you need to address the issue.
See the book, High-Maintenance Relationships, for more specific guidance on managing and improving your relationship with a flirtatious spouse. The chapter titled “The Flirt” will guide you through the anatomy of flirting; it also includes a self-test and tips for what you can do about an uncomfortable situation with a flirtatious spouse.
Is your spouse a flirt? Has either of you had an issue with flirting in the past, and how did you overcome it together? Share your stories in the comments section below!
Thank u for this article. I am currently counseling a couple that is struggling in this area. Very helpful.
My husband always crack jokes with my neighbor down stairs who is married,jokes like can I help you with your laundry, should u come and make my hair ,am not eating your food and stuff am not comfortable with it what do I do.
I noticed my husband is having an affair with her ex girlfriend roommate, I tried talking to him he shut me down, so I send the lady text message to stay away she told my husband and it caused serious issues,she got pregnant for him and remove, because she is till a student the relationship is getting stronger what can I do to end it
My hubby though he loves me, akways finds an attractive woman at en event and continues to make eye contact with her through out most of our time at event. He will smile at her and they continually watch each other. Usually while we dance. One time recently he sat on edge of band stand and watched sexy woman stare at him and Dance provocatively for him while he watched 4 ft away…while I was standing beside him. He loves God but had had a rough life. I do not know what to do. This helps. Thank yiu
That must be so hard to watch! My heart hurts for you. I must say it sounds like there might be something a little deeper going on then a flirtatious personality. Have you thought about counseling? Even if you’re husband won’t go it can be so helpful to go by yourself to help strengthen yourself and help you understand what it’s upsetting and what your boundaries are. Courage to you! <3
When spouse flirt and says it’s a turn on to have good sex with her husband , does that make any sense
Counseling by herself? So she can sit back and endure this rediculousness? Wrong!
Agree
Amen sista!!! Mine does the SAME thing.
He does? If he does he would honor you and repent.
He doesn’t love God if he isn’t being obedient to love his wife like Christ loves the church. To love is to obey. He needs deliverance from a lustful spirit
If you truly want to honor your spouse, you will have firm boundaries to prevent harmful flirtation with someone other than your spouse. Due to different personality types, backgrounds, and life experiences, many of us will feel threatened if our outgoing spouse continually demands this kind of attention. Along with boundaries, growth and maturity as a couple through kind communication should address this often-seen situation.
Thanks-a-mundo for the article. Cool.
Hi,
I just got married few months back in an arranged marriage.Relationship is in starting phase. Understanding each other. But I noticed many times that my husband is making eye contact with other girls and staring at them. Sometimes little touchy with old girls friends example little touching feet. But he doesn’t hide anything it seems. I didn’t expect all this from my husband so I feel bad when notice these things. What should I do.
Thanks
If your spouse’s flirting is a sign of a want/need to be affirmed in some way as the article suggests, then perhaps you need to be more flirtatious yourself. That affirmation needs to come from you, the spouse, not from someone else. I would suspect that if you became the flirtatious one – and always aimed at your spouse – the flirtatious behavior you’re worried about would either stop or be re-directed toward you (as the never-drying well of affirmation). Be the person your spouse wants to flirt with, even if everyone else at a gathering says, “get a room!” (that will be how you know you’re doing it right). Respectfully…
WOW!! This is AMAZING advice and truly something I’ve never considered before. Thank you so much!! You may have just save my long term engagement of 3 years. I just couldn’t marry him (yet) because of all his inappropriate flirting. My girlfriends complain to me about his groping them, but they don’t know what to say to him so they end up laughing it off. But later tell me they are sorry and that they feel guilty and are embarrassed when he does it. I’ve tried so hard to communicate this to him and have even attended marriage counseling about it. Fiance got extremely defensive when I brought it up early in our relationship, then disregarded the counselors advise. I don’t know what to do other than try your excellent advice above.
After 23 years of marriage and round after round if this I say absolutley not! You deserve better. Find someone before you’ve got 4 kids to consider. I’ve told him no more or we’re done. That was 2 years ago. Here I sit at 2 am reading this and wondering what I’m trying to save because if he hasn’t decided my feelings matter after over 2o years I’m seriously doubting he ever will!
I am so sad for both of us. (hehehehe).
I got married in November. I always go through my husbands phone because I know he loves flirting. Even when I caught him red handed he normally says it’s not flirting. He will make it look like I am over reacting. I saw deleted messages in his phone. Saying he miss this girl he flirts with. I wondering if I am enough. I am beautiful and wanted by many. He makes me feel ugly like something is wrong with me. I don’t do things like him. I know I am married so flirting is not an option.
I say carefully….don’t marry your flirt unless you want a husband that flirts. I married my flirty boyfriend. Now my husband. Lots of pain and discomfort. I love flirting with him. He likes to flirt with me (thank goodness) and many others. I am not sure we will make it. Too disruptive to my security. Kim, he knows what he is doing. My husband pretended he cared but keeps flirting. Most embarrassing moment. He flirted at our wedding with a friend who was brave enough to tell me. Best advice is that my husband has different sexual boundaries then I. Our therapist was clear with my spouse and he acted remorse but hasn’t stopped. I am mad at myself.
That’s nonsense! She shouldn’t have to change herself because he’s Cassanova! HE’S the one who needs to practice self control.
Mary, actually you are both correct! The wife does need to be a bit more outgoing with her husband, being more attentive and flirty, trying to convey private jokes through hidden meanings and flirtatious eye contact with him! Make him feel her direct eye contact directly upon his eyes! You are certainly correct Mary, that she should not change her entire self, for he who has a wandering eye! After all, he picked her to marry, so the two have become one flesh, just as JESUS CHRIST taught! Just because two individuals came to a party, that does not separate the One Flesh Concept IN GOD’S SIGHT! Therefore I would advise his wife, to be more attentive and flirtatious with her husband, but never lose her dignity; to the point of “get a room” does not belong in public view! The wife must conquer the direct eye contact battle, even from across the room. Make the husband be constantly checking his wife again, to see her still glancing at his eyes with her smoldering look which is saying, “You are mine! We took a vow before GOD THE CREATOR! I honor you, and if you honor me, I will make it SO WORTH your while, my One And Only Lover! Best Wishes, IN CHRIST’S LOVE!!!
No, no SO MUCH NOOO!! This article is wrong in so many levels. Flirting in a marriage is NOT OKAY! And if your spouse is a narcissist or borderline you need to realize that you are probably being manipulated by this behavior!! They are using it to destroy you. If a flurter open his/her heart emotionally to another person by flirting you are dropping the boundary of protection of your marriage. I am a counselor, IT IS NEVER okay in a marriage to flirt! I have seen this behavior lead to emotional, physical and sexual affairs! Flirting let’s another person know you are interested in them. Geesh. I can’t believe this article. Even Oprah has write. About rhe problems with flirting. It’s not about the other spouse being “insecure”. INSECURITY COMES FROM LIVING WITH THIS BEHAVIOR!!! Stop blaming the victim!!
exactly. I am so sick and tired of society blaming the woman all the time…no the man has a serious Lust issue & needs to desire to be delivered from his foolishness before he ends up having an affair…if he hasn’t already.. My heart bleeds for us women. I feel like women in general have been dealt a bad hand in life…men get to cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat…then leave & then get to come back….excuse my language but I am so sick of this shit I don’t know what to do…I be glad when we as women stop being scared of being alone & just take our children and just leave…My husband is definitely a serial flirter…he claims he is not…but he is…he makes it a point to approach and get to know every woman at his job. He claims he never cheated but I don’t believe him no one bit….I pray that he has stopped his foolishness for good but if not I pray he gets caught…Him and every sleazy man on the earth…they deserve for their wives and girlfriends to just leave them…that’s the only way they will change…or some kind of near death experience…that is the only way they will change….sad but true…God bless everyone here today…I pray that the Lord will step in and intervene on all of our behalves…be blessed & take care. OH and if you are young and not married yet…LEAVE!!!!!! He is not going to change for you….and men will only change for women that are totally out of their league…I realize that now…I wish I could go back and make some very different decisions…every man is not all bad but they are not all good either. I just wish I had a better self esteem as a teenager and young adult and then I wouldn’t be in this mess I been in over 19 years…and the other sad thing is that their mothers and sisters help them hide their affairs….smh…you can bet your bottom dollar I will bust my son’s out if they ever cheat on their wives or girlfriends because that’s not the way I raised them. Cheating/flirting is never a solution to any issues in a relationship or marriage…How about open your mouth and tell your spouse or girl/boyfriend what you want. I tell my husband what I want but it falls on deaf ears…so I tell the Lord and He usually answers…somethings I am still waiting for but it’s all in his hands….I hope this helped someone…if not…it felt good to get it off my chest. If you are younger than 35 you still have time to ditch that person that is not treating you right…please don’t wait til you get in your 40’s and have an ah ha moment….I beg you. Take care & be blessed.
i am definitely going through the same thing, we have 5 kids and married for 3years and i am 29, and i am getting really tired of it, talked things out and he keeps denying it, makes me feel bad, and my last option is leaving him for good
I agree.. Sounds like someone who is a cheater themselves Giving advice! Shit, I’m not one to put up with bull… You want to flirt, need attention that badly? Find some other unfortunate soul! Leave me alone!
You are Right on Target!!
It is so disrespectful to the spouse!
Thank-you…..J
My heart goes out to all of the spouses and people who this happens to. I feel your pain, from personal experience. I want to offer some encouragement to those of you who have flirtatious spouses. I’m here to tell you that a spouse can change, if they love you enough, and want to keep you, and you demand respect and honor, with consequences. Mine did (after having 2 previous husbands who wouldn’t.)
what kinds of consequences do you give in this situation?
Thanks for this. I am married to an outgoing extroverted man and I have not had a problem with it since I always knew him to be a bit extra. Problem started last month at an event where he lied to me about something that involves a woman he works with at a dance fitness gym. We talked about it, I told him how I felt and we resolved the issue. But just yesterday, I discovered he has been having long conversations and even meeting a university student, who is about 10 years younger than us. They met at a marathon event and have kept in touch. The sad thing is that he told me about her and even that we have so much in common, from both being from the same place and even being artistic. I did the wrong thing and snooped on his phone, discovered an hour long conversation between them where he was talking a lot about my sex life with him, about life…you know, the conversations that people have when they are dating or about to date. I confused because he does talk about me and does not hide the fact that he is married, but he talks about sex at least 30 percent of the time in that hour long conversation. And we all know, affairs are rarely between someone and a one night stand, they happen between ‘friends’. He has known this girl for less than a month, we have been together 3 years, married for 1 and a couple months. I do not know what to do. I was in terrible relationships where a lot of emotional and physical cheating happened, so I am scared that I will be rolling down this slide again with my husband. Am I overreacting? They met up yesterday and from the conversation I gathered she is the one who bought lunch and they spent over an hour with each other. He called me before meeting her to tell me he is going to meet a guy friend in campus, but will also meet her to take pics of her work and show me…which did not happen. I am depressed (actually diagnosed over 5 years ago) but off medication. I am lost
I’m sorry to hear about your pain. I’m having the same issue. This has happened before with my last husband. I know I’m the only common denominator in both so it is time for me to stop thinking about his actions and take care of me and my feelings. I deserve to feel my feelings. I can forgive but trust is harder to get back. Boundaries were never set because I thought that was common knowledge in a marriage about what cheating is, but I guess not to some. This is his problem not mine.
Hi Jade, I couldn’t help but give you some reinforcement here. You are not wrong in the least bit. You should always go with your gut feelings or shall we say, intuition…and your gut feeling has proven that your husband has lied to you and made it very clear that he is attracted to another woman. This never turns out to be good, or alright. Your relationship is based on trust and he has broken that trust. Not to mention your sex life should be something sacred between you both and should not be discussed with people of the opposite sex under most circumstances, especially this one. Stay strong and remember why you wanted to get into a relationship in the first place., because you want someone to be supportive and make you feel good. It does not seem as though that is happening now. One thing I have learned is that life is way too short. When you are not being treated as you deserve, you should move on and it will open you up to finding the person that you are meant to be with, the person that will not disrespect you. One thing you should remember is that every relationship is a learning experience. You learn what you want, what you don’t want, how you will allow yourself to be treated and how to treat someone. We have to go through this, sometimes many times, to learn and figure it all out. I Hope that this helps and I wish you the best of luck.
My husband and I have been married for 6 years and have a 5 year old son. This is my 2nd marriage and I have 2 teenagers from my previous marriage. My husband has always been one for attention. He’s very talkative to every women he comes across. It’s always bothered me. We have argued over it and he tells me that I’m just insecure and need to get over my insecurities. To prevent fights I’ve learned to deal with it. My husband works from home, so he doesn’t get out much. The only time we really go out is for family evens. Recently after my 5 year old sons bday party with family my 18 yr old daughter told me she is embarrassed and grossed out by my husband. How he flirts with her cousins that are 19 & 23. (My daughter is close with them) She claims he is always trying to touch them in some way wether it be their arms or hair and makes a point to be where they are all the time. This grosses me out! I don’t know how to handle this situation. Why is he doing this? If I question him about this he will turn it on me and say I am being insecure. Yet other people in my family have noticed his actions as well. I’m lost for knowing what to do. I feel this is not ok, and I shouldn’t let it go, but I don’t want a fight to come of it. Any suggestions??
If you, your daughter and other family members have all noticed & witnessed the same bad tendencies in your husband, you probably know the answer of what you should do.. deep within yourself, especially considering he has not been willing to do anything to recognize or rectify the situation. If your daughter is telling you something this important, it’s something you should be listening to and acting on. I would try one last time talking to him about it on a very serious level. With that being said, don’t be afraid to let him know that you are confident in the fact that this is something he has a problem with, not you. It can’t possibly be you and your insecurities creating this whole situation because many people have witnessed it and brought it up to you as it is concerning. Tell him that he should never make people feel uncomfortable and it’s down right creepy to them and you. Hopefully he will hear what you’re saying, be embarrassed by his actions and not continue to do it.. If not, it will probably end up with you ultimately resenting him (naturally) and will be the end all for your relationship at some point. Stay strong and fight for what you know is right.
My husband is exactly the same. We get along well at home but the minute we are out at an event, he has forgotten me and is by the side of the most attractive woman there. When they are my friends, the friend tells him ‘your wife is beautiful, why don’t you go and talk to her.’ He overshares his personal feelings to my attractive friends, dominates and takes over conversations by talking over me. There are photos of him standing with women at events and they have their head on his chest. I bring it up with him and he claims he doesn’t remember, that’s just his personality and that i’m so insecure. My parents all comment on his flirtatious nature and that he behaves like a single man. I went to psychologists for years and they all convinced me nothing was happening. This is the first time I have heard of boundaries and consequences relating to flirting. Can anyone give me a concrete example. I am keen to try it. Otherwise I think I may just throw in the towel.
I am dating a man I adore, who loves and is crazy about me too behaves in a similar way. The problem is he doesn’t see the harm in flirty eye contact and wouldn’t mind if I did it with men either. I have no need to do it with other men because I am with him. Why is this so common? These stories are just a glimpse of a real problem in social interaction. Not fun at all!… Every action has a reaction and yet flirtatious people believe those actions are somehow exempt from the basic laws of physics.
I have told my partner that I treat him like the most interesting man in the room no matter how many amazing men are there, but for me, no matter where we go there is always someone more interesting that immediately catches his attention (even if there really isn’t ). Only if I was not with him would he treat me like the most interesting person in the room. This started to build some awareness despite his belief that there is no need to change. ;(. Just sad
I would never try to stir up insecurity in a person I’m trying to have a relationship with!! I used to date a woman that did exhibit some of these flirty traits.. On multiple occasions when we went out, she would try to connect with a stranger using flirty eyes. The exchange of looks would then continue for the rest of the evening.. I did confront her a few times and the most hurtful part was the denial.. Its not easy to digest ur ‘so’ flirting right in front of you.. It’s not like I was afraid someone would steal her from me; it’s the sheer lack of respect she had for the relationship and my feelings that ticked me off.. I eventually broke up with her and that’s when she came clean but it was too late.. I still love her and probably always will but I couldn’t possibly have a relationship with her because I chose my self-respect over dealing with crap like that..
I have a hard time with my partner about this but I’m the one who she accuses as constantly flirting. I am very social and participate in alumni clubs and professional events where it’s about networking, event planning, making business contacts, etc. My girlfriend is less social and doesn’t have many opposite-sex friends. I have never heard stories in her family of men who were respected. Just men who were very dependent on women or were lotharios and cheaters or players. Sometimes I feel like she treats me like a cheater, going through my social media activities or snooping through my photo archives. Any social contact I’ve had with women gets audited and scrutinized. I feel like I’m on trial. I’ve tried to make compromises like taking down photos of me and women from social media because she says that people can interpret that as someone you’re dating and it’s disrespectful to the relationship. It’s beginning to be too much. She confronts by blaming me and concluding I’m flirting. I really try to understand her and read up on this stuff because I love her, but I’m really starting to feel like all these compromises I’m making, I’m losing myself, my social dna, being isolated from my friends for her. As the article points out, I feel like I’m losing my “spirit.” There was some progress in couples counseling where she admitted she has insecurities, but she has given up on counseling and reverting to the same habits. She’s constantly building cases against every friend. if a friend and I talk about her breaking up with her boyfriend, I start getting lectured about emotional cheating. My personal counselor says she exhibits some borderline traits, but she obviously can’t diagnose her.
Hi Ed,
To begin you may want to change counselors. There’s no way that a professional should be interloping in your romance by telling you that your life partner is exhibiting borderline traits. He/she has effectively lit a bomb in your relationship. What you may want to consider is couples counseling that works to support your partner first. Your love needs to know the counselor is there to support your love for each other, not to shame her. You begin by creating boundaries that you both can live with. It’s not about shaming the woman in your life who suffers when she sees what you’re up to. And what’s wrong with taking down photos from social media. Finally, it’s never a good idea to gossip with someone of the opposite gender about their break up. No counselor would support that. If you’re not willing to do the work then perhaps it’s time to leave the relationship. There will always be a lovely guy out there for your partner.
Hi,
My husband do the same, he flirts any girls we encounter example Waitress/ sale lady name it.. What really hurts me is when he praise her like she is very elegant and he always agree whatever woman suggest, but when i suggest thing he wont listen, breaks my heart. I want to confront him but he will get like crazy mad 😢 he always shut me down when i talk about it.
Been with him 15yrs.. Btw i am aisian and his caucasian our age gap is huge his now 60yr and im 41yr.
Pls help me what to do. 😭💔
YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME… IF HE WILL BE OK WITH THAT THEN YOU HAVE TO WORK ON YOURSELF AND ADMIT THAT ITS NOTHING.. IF HE GETS MAD, YOU CAN CONFRONT HIM..
Wilma,
As long as he knows his behavior hurts you and he shuts you down rather than talk about it, nothing will change and you will continue to suffer. I am in the same boat and it’s been 35 years. Don’t do that to yourself. I’m leaving as soon as I retire…not long now.
I think that flirting with someone from the opposite sex is just asking for trouble. Flirting will lead to other more serious matters. My guy flirts with almost every woman. But, I noticed lately he has been flirting with women who are real dark skin color. Well his flirting led him to start what he calls a friendship with one of the dark skin ladies. From what I can see in his cell phone call directory, he is calling her all the time. She very seldom calls him. When I ask about the relationship he said, “She is a veteran”. This is how his speaking to everyone who comes within walking or talking distance of him leads to. I’m not a flirty person and I do not let other people of the opposite sex flirt with me. He always down play it and make excuses. I think that men who flirt with women and they are in a relationship are players. I chose to allow him to hang himself and then that will be the end of us.
My ex was a charming Spanish flirt. In the parties he`d get lost with his female friend, coming back holding his hand at her back while walking, spending most of the time with her, in FB his Spanish friends would send him heart and kiss emojis (he would reply with same), and to that he would say that this is normal in Spain and is not considered flirting, they have a husband. I would say it arises too many unpleasent questions for both sides and I became tired going through this again.
At the parties he would always find girls who he already knew and would stay speaking with them for 15-20 minutes. He wouldn`t introduce me to them. In the end it was just the tiniest thing that made the cup run over. There was too many cases proving he`s a natural flirt.
It was a point of my life where I had to make a decision weather to continue and eventually move to Spain and start living with him but then realized that it would be a rather bitter coexistence for me.
But I was just wondering, after this kind of experience, if all men in southern countries really are like that then…?
I really like Portugal and am considering to go there for a longer period of time but became cautious after this :/
Hi , I think there are men and women who just enjoy flirting . They love that feeling of being lust for and are inherent in them . There is no sense of propriety and no sense of shame and respect . They just want to take chances and try their luck . Some people will never learn or be sensible unless they learn from the hard way . That is when his or her life gets disrupted maybe families members finds out or serious fights starts to go viral or pictures sent to family and friends.
I met a man from Taiping Malaysia when I was 24. He flirtEd with me and our relationship spark off. I love the way he looked at me and I can remember until now his very electrifying eye contacts . I found out he has a girl friend and I left .
15 years later we met again n ever since we were together . It’s been 10 years n just yesterday we fought twice over his flirting . I am not sure who was at fault ? We were at the car park n he was suppose to get the car. I I was not with him . I came 10 min later and he was still trying to pay for the car park . He walked away from the machine without paying and he saw me . I ask him , why you walk away , then I notice a pretty young woman coming our direction n she went to get some change . I ask him , were you waiting for that young woman ? He started to defend himself and shouted so aggressively . It makes me wonder if I was really imagining things . He said I am crazy . But for 10 min , why he didn’t pay the ticket and had to turn around ?
When I ask , he say he was looking for the right level and other machine on that level .
Someone tell me , am I imagining things ?
There was once I caught some Chinese woman from China calling him when we were in the car . He refused to pick up the phone . It was a China number , so I sense something was wrong , I called back using his phone n put on a speaker phone . The first thing the woman said was “ hey it’s been a while “ in Chinese and in a very sexy way . I told him to speak up but he refuse . After a few seconds , I shouted at her and said , “stop calling and or else I will …” she quickly hang up.
I talk to him n he said she was old flame. It was near Chinese New Year and this girl want some money . I block her phone .
He agreed I can check his phone now . So one day something happened again . I question him about a lady on the phone that has a message that says “ when are you coming to KL ( Kuala Lumpur ) capital of Malaysia ,to meet me “ I freak out because I remember I block her phone too . His reason was , his hands were itchy and he unblock her and he just want to know how she is doing . This friend is another girl friend from Kuala Lumpur who is married . How daring was that ? He knows I can check his phone and he still unblock her and received sms from here .
Can a man tell me from a man’s point if view , what kind of person is he ?
My worse experience was we were in Dubai airport , when I went to the restroom ,before I reach the restroom I turn around to take a look and he started talking to a lady in the group who is talking the same airport transfer . In another incident , he flirted with a woman in the flight n when we were taking the escalator to the arrival hall , I saw a woman look right through my face and gave a seductive electrifying glance to him who was standing right behind me . She smiled like a vixen . This woman was dressed so decently and so plain looking . She actually ignore my presence and send that look to him right infront of me . He is one head taller than me . So that glance pierce right through my face . See , what I am trying to say ? There are women out there in the same category or breed , even the most decent and plain looking woman that you never expect doing such things , are without respect , dignity , shameless and blatant. Can you imagine when I was not there ?
His eyes are like radar , looking out for young beautiful women to strike his laser and hopefully get reciprocated. Believe me , he gets it most of the time . He has inborn talent . When I question him , he said , is natural to look at beautifully things and women . Like a vase . My question is , is it legitimate when he claims is just looking and just flirt with his eyes right infront of me ? If I am not there they could exchange numbers right ?
Shld I get jealous or just let him be himself and let him enjoy what he does ? We get heated fights every single outing over this . Sometimes I don need to watch him , when I see other women looking at our directions or acting cute infront of us , I know he sent his laser beam eye flirt again . It cuts like a knife . I never try to flirt even when he is not with me . I give him 100 % of my love . I think of him every day and all I wish is to cook for him every meal and enjoy a healthy diet . I get so many proposals and I rejected all. Why do I still get such behaviour from him ? He did try to tone down lately . He listens sometimes but he relapse once I am not with him . I have come to a point where I need to track where he goes and ask him for photos of who he is with . He will do as I say sometimes . That is why I still love him . He listens and try to change .
What I am deducing is , sometimes I think there is no way out in love . When you love someone so deeply , you can’t pull yourself out of the situation . You will still give him chance and keep hoping he behaves .
You want to be happy with him and for him . He is like a child to a mother now , you don give up on your child irregardless of what he does, you love him so much that you are willing to endure the pain , google the right words to use repeatedly to make him listen for a while at least . And the entire vicious cycle goes on til who knows when .
To all women out there , wish you luck in love!
Women do this as much or more than men do, and are much more careful to try and hide it. I am a 53 year old man and have had many a partner in life, and I can tell you for sure that women and men do this at equal rates. The main thing to consider here is that when a person flirts, they are communicating interest and an openness to a proposition. When a person in a committed relationship flirts, they are communicating that openness in the context and often the presence of their committed partner, which further communicates a need for secrecy to the person they are flirting with. Flirting by a committed partner, without being honest with the partner, is literally an invitation for a deceitful extra-marital liaison, whether emotional or sexual. It is literally an invitation for a booty call. Trying to rationalize it is disingenuous. You are either honest about the actions, or you are not. Deception is mean, and continued deception is the mark of a sick person, who is most likely a user and manipulator, and often may be the victim of childhood trauma or has brain damage due to in utero exposure to alcohol or drugs. Regardless, any real deception of a committed love interest is a product of poor character, an/or poor breeding.
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After being married to a flirt and enduring it for two decades with none of the suggestions working for me, I can say I believe I wasted the best years of my life feeling “less than” and unattractive to a man who claimed he loves me but would not give up this behavior. If I had it to do over, I would have run in the early days and never married him. Think hard before choosing a person like this if it does not fit who you are. Years of his flirting has left me detached and without the deeper intimacy I always desired.
Thanks so much for this article.. I’ve been married for 10yrs and I’ve been facing this same problem since we met… My husband is the type who likes flirting with the opposite sex… His text to them, his compliment to them and so on and it sometimes gets out of hand 😭 I have talked with him most of the time but I still can see he doesn’t want to change… I sometimes confront him nd he will change the name of the lady on his contact nd continue to flirt… Pls I’m getting tired of this attitude of his… I need advice please 😴😭😔😔🙏
Hello my husband told me last night that he flirts with other women, but he said I don’t have to worry because he’s in love with me. I’m in love with him to but so terrified of being hurt. I also know that a man will be a man like a woman will be a woman.
Im honestly relieved to see that I’m not the only one in this situation , of course I’m not happy people have to go through that, but it does feel good to know that I’m not alone.
Do you think a man can still love his wife and be flirtatious/attracted to other woman?
He may love his wife but is he happy in his marriage? My husband is a narcissist (diagnosed) and I have been dealing with his insecurities for years! I am so tired of him thinking that every young girl that looks at him is interested in him! And he is 70 years old! Whenever we go anywhere he sits by the youngest and cutest even if they are relatives. His need for attention is never ending. It literally makes me ill. Gets to the point I do not go many places with him anymore. I go places by myself with my friends. He doesn’t go anywhere much either. I did tell him I won’t go with him till he starts learning how to treat me. Who knows what he is telling his family about me. I really don’t care because they only talk to him anyway.
My husband of 39 years is currently flirting with a girl my eldest age who lives with her boyfriend and 3 kids. They stare at each other every opportunity they get and it really hurts me to think he doesn’t even worry that I can see them. We almost seperated because she sent me nasty text’s and he screamed at me saying it’s my fault. He denies that he is flirting with her and she flirts back and says I accused him for nothing he feels very hurt that I think that of him. I had an incident where I was busy and when I looked up they looked like they we somewhere together. She moved to a chair and he went to stand right next to her. She made a kissing gesture to him and he was mesmerised by it he was glued to her every move I had to tell him to go sit down. He went to park the car and even left his lights on. They seek one another out in a room and communicate with their eyes. Up to this day he denies flirting or lusting after her he blames me and threatened to leave me. I’ve read all the other people’s stories and it is really hurtful. I’ve even started praying God removes this person out of my marriage. Every time we see one another my husband and I end up fighting then the blaming start and funny enough it’s always my fault. Trying to fix my marriage but still very insecure. Please help.
Ladies, it’s crucial to keep in mind that men tend to be visually oriented, and this aspect of their nature is unlikely to change. However, I’d like to share a strategy that has proven effective for me: making him feel a bit uncertain. Yes, you heard me correctly. Let me elaborate with a personal example. I have a partner who is naturally inclined to flirt. He often glances at women dressed provocatively and even engages in conversations that capture their attention. It can be quite exasperating, especially when he does this in your presence.
Addressing the issue directly with him often leads to two common responses: he might promise to change his behavior, or he might dismiss your concerns as mere insecurity. So, I opted for a different approach by altering my own perspective. The goal here is not to let him feel completely secure in his actions. How did I achieve this? Here’s how:
1. **Maintaining Your Best Appearance**: Make a conscious effort to look your best at all times. This applies both at home and when you’re out and about. I decided to avoid looking unkempt or careless in my appearance. This caught my partner’s attention because he started wondering why I was consistently looking polished even when we were just staying in. This subtle shift made him curious about my motives.
2. **Matching His Effort or Elevating It**: When it comes to appearances, strive to be on par with his level of effort or slightly surpass it. This isn’t about competing with him, but rather about showing that you also value presenting yourself well. By maintaining a level of sophistication in your appearance that is just a notch higher than his, you send a message that you prioritize your self-presentation too.
3. **Confidently Walking Away**: When you notice him engaging in flirtatious behavior, respond by confidently distancing yourself. Instead of fixating on his actions, gracefully and assertively withdraw from the situation. The key here is to maintain your composure and wear a genuine smile. This demonstrates that you’re unaffected by his behavior.
Implementing this approach yielded results for me. It’s a departure from the cycle of constantly nagging or trying to alter his behavior through discussions. Instead, it prompts a change in his perspective as he becomes curious about your newfound self-assured demeanor. Remember, the intention isn’t to manipulate but rather to gently redirect his attention and behavior through your own actions.
Of course, every relationship is unique, so results may vary. This method might not work for everyone, but I hope sharing my experience can offer some valuable insights to consider.
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