When is the right time to start dating again after divorce?
If you’ve gone through a divorce, you know the emotional upheaval that comes with this season. Now that the dust has settled, you may be thinking about dating again. But how long should you wait? How soon is too soon?
There’s No One-Size-Fits-All Answer
First, there’s no one answer that fits every situation. Some people may feel comfortable with dating again fairly quickly after a divorce. On the other hand, some might wait for years.
Your choice to date again depends on your situation, your wellbeing, and your experience. If you have children, they will factor into the decision. For instance, some individuals who have gone through a divorce begin dating again because their children want them to. Some prefer to raise their kids first, then search for another potential partner.
There’s no magic amount of time to wait before you date again. Still, keep in mind that many people need a bit of buffer time to recover. You might also consider seeking out counseling during this time.
It’s Best to Avoid a Rebound Relationship
One universal rule to dating after divorce is that it’s best to avoid getting into a rebound relationship right away. You’re more likely to get hurt in this scenario. The aftermath of a divorce is a vulnerable time, so it’s best to focus on how best to take care of yourself first.
After divorce, you’re grieving and coming to terms with your loss. You’ve just been through a devastating experience, and it’s important to honor that. Rushing into a rebound relationship immediately will undermine your ability to focus on healing.
Make Time for Self-Reflection
Every divorce situation is different. Before dating again, it’s essential to self-reflect. Did you play a role in the ending of your relationship? Were you betrayed, and do you need time to process what happened and seek support as you recover?
There are lessons to be learned from the ending of your marriage, whatever the situation. You also want to make sure you’re in a healthy place as an individual before you date. It’s important to avoid jumping into a relationship when your self-esteem is damaged, fragile, or weakened. And if your judgment is impaired, now is not the time to rush a new relationship.
Ultimately, you don’t want to recreate the pain you just went through. Shortly after a divorce or a breakup, you’re more vulnerable to getting into an unhealthy relationship. So before you begin dating again, getting healthy should be your primary goal.
We like to say that your relationships are only as healthy as you are. That’s true whether it’s your marriage, friendships, or family relationships. When you’re a healthy individual, you’re more likely to enjoy healthy relationships, which also applies to dating.
If you do hope to marry again, you need a guide to help you navigate this new relationship. Our book, Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts, is a companion to our SYMBIS Assessment, and it’s tailored especially for people embarking on a second marriage. We also recommend working with a SYMBIS facilitator near you who can guide you toward a healthy new relationship.
Have you experienced a divorce? If so, how long did you wait to start dating again? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.
I experienced divorce 2 years ago when my then-wife of 15 years left me for someone else. I quickly spiraled into a deep depression which almost ended in suicide, but the Lord saved me and pulled me out of it, claiming my life. He also surrounded me with good support from my family, church and an online Christian community as well. I started thinking about dating probably about 7-8+ months after, trying several dating apps, but God kept telling me ‘NO’, or at least ‘not yet’. Then about a year and a half after the divorce process had begun, He introduced me to my current girlfriend whom I’ve been with since this last May. There are still issues I’ve had to deal with involving the ex, mostly in regard to my 4 children, but God is bringing me through it all using a core group of men in my life plus my amazing girlfriend who had been through a similar situation a few years before and is very supportive.