Are you stuck doing all the household chores?
Whether you’re carrying the entire load at home or just most of it, an imbalance of responsibilities can strain your marriage. When one spouse is used to coming and going without much household responsibility, that can create resentment. It can also make changing the dynamic difficult.
If you’re wondering how to get your spouse on board with making changes around the house, this article is for you. We’re sharing a few simple tips to help relieve stress and create a better balance. Let’s get into it.
Modern Couples, Modern Expectations
Today, the full-time jobs people work look different than they did even a decade ago, and our culture has created a new set of expectations for working adults. When both you and your spouse work full-time, it’s not reasonable for either of you to shoulder the entire burden at home. Even if one of you spends less time working outside the home–or none at all–each situation has its unique considerations.
Still, old habits, beliefs, and patterns die hard. Maybe your spouse believes you should be capable of handling the household on your own. A number of factors could influence this stance: outdated cultural norms, your respective work schedules, or a perceived imbalance in responsibilities outside the home.
Admit You Can’t Do It All
First, if you’re struggling under the pressure of managing your household singlehandedly, it’s okay to admit that you can’t continue doing everything. Recognizing and stating your limits doesn’t feel good; that’s true no matter what you need help with. Still, it’s the first step toward making changes and improving your quality of life.
Admitting you can’t do it all by yourself isn’t a weakness. Having solid household management skills is a strength. But when it comes to time and resources well spent, getting help will be a game changer.
Ask For Help
If you haven’t already, talk to your spouse about the pressure you’re feeling. Tell them it hurts to know they believe you should handle all the household work yourself. Ask to split up household responsibilities, and let them know how much you would appreciate the extra help.
Let’s say your spouse is comfortable with how things have been, and doesn’t want to make changes. At this point, suggest hiring outside help if it’s an option. It’s okay to express that you want to raise your quality of life by outsourcing some of the mundane tasks that don’t necessarily require you in order to get done.
Negotiate as you go, and get a feel for what changes your spouse is open to making. We once knew a couple where one spouse didn’t want anyone cleaning their house, but was fine with hiring a personal chef. Either way, an essential task was getting taken off the other partner’s plate, still saving time.
If you can’t afford to hire help, you might need to let them experience what it’s like to not have you as a full-time housekeeper. This temporary process will be difficult for you both, but it might be necessary to do less for a month or two. Regardless, you’re giving your spouse options: Either you share a less-than-pristine house, split responsibilities fairly, or hire help to alleviate pressure.
Need a guidebook to help you tackle splitting chores and other everyday problems? Our book, I Love You More, helps couples strengthen their marriages through the seemingly mundane day-to-day issues we all encounter. Learn more and pick up your copy here.
Do you and your spouse divide household chores fairly? How did you decide who handles what? Share your successes in the comments.
