If you’re unhappy in your marriage, should you stay together for the kids?
Marital satisfaction ebbs and flows over the course of a lifetime. It’s common for spouses to go through seasons where they don’t feel as close to one another–or might even feel like roommates. Many couples with children who experience these dry seasons find themselves wondering whether they should stay together for the kids’ sake.
Are you experiencing a season of distance from one another? Do your kids feel like the only thing you have in common right now? If that sounds familiar, there’s hope.
Refocus on Your Common Ground
When you feel distant, one of the simplest and best things you can do for your marriage is to refocus on the common ground you share. You have children together. Since you’re thinking of staying together for their sake, you’ve already identified one commonality.
Chances are, though, you still have a lot more in common with your spouse than you might think. Make an effort to focus on the areas where you agree, and nurture those. Taking the time to share common interests, for instance, could help bring a deeper sense of companionship back into your marriage.
Often, when we’re in a difficult season, we focus more on the problems rather than the positives. Marital strain can cause you to expend energy thinking about the challenges you’re facing. Shifting your attention back to the things you have in common is a great first step toward becoming closer again.
You Can Reawaken Your Passion
Many couples don’t know that hanging in there can actually result in a resurgence of passion in your marriage. In our opinion, this is the very best part of married life. As your kids get older and you have more time to focus on each other again, you just might notice that spark returning.
The key is to hold onto hope, and remember that these ebbs and flows in marriage are often temporary. Babies and young children require a lot of time and energy from both of you. When they become more independent, there are more opportunities to reconnect with your spouse.
It Won’t Feel This Way Forever
There are times when marriage feels lonely, challenging, or difficult. You may, at times, wonder whether you’ll ever feel close again. But many of us make the mistake of believing that our marriage will always feel the way it feels in the current moment.
The truth is, difficult emotions and challenging times don’t last forever. Just because you might feel distant right now does not mean you’ll feel this way for the rest of your life. And it doesn’t mean your marriage is over.
Yes, there may be times when you feel like you’re only staying together for the kids. But in reality, you have many more reasons to hold onto one another. You have to find those reasons by refocusing on your common ground, reawakening your passion, and remembering that this situation will likely pass–and there’s so much room for joyful connection on the other side.
In all situations, it’s crucial to have empathy for one another. It’s easier to understand each other when you walk in your spouse’s shoes. Our book, Trading Places, is all about cultivating mutual empathy so you can be better friends and lovers. Take a look and pick up your copy here.
Have you faced difficult seasons in your marriage? How did you and your spouse get to the other side of those hard times? Let us know in the comments.
