Help! My Spouse Flirts On Social Media. How Do I Stop It?

Can you stop your spouse from flirting on social media?

The advent of social media platforms gave us many new ways to connect. While most of these technological advances are positive, there are some negative effects, too. Married couples must be cautious and vigilant about how they communicate online–or they risk compromising their marriage.

For instance, let’s say you’ve seen your spouse engaging with the opposite sex via social media. They might be friends or acquaintances, but you’ve seen some interactions that made you feel uncomfortable. Is your spouse crossing the line into flirtation? If so, how do you stop this from happening?

First, Take a Step Back and Pause

Before you confront your spouse about a comment they left on a friend’s post, take a moment to pause. What’s really going on here? Is there a reason to be worried about this interaction?

It’s important to understand what’s going on here. Friendly interactions can quickly cross the line into flirtation, but that doesn’t mean there was ill intent behind the comment. Think through what you’ve seen and ensure you’ve given yourself a little time before approaching your spouse about it.

Next, Talk To Your Spouse

You have a right to ask your spouse questions about their online interactions, so we encourage you to talk to them. Naturally, you’re worried that their online communication could impact your relationship. Protecting your marriage from outside influences is important, so this is a step you can’t afford to skip.

Flirting with the opposite sex–whether online, via a phone call, or in person–doesn’t honor your marriage. It leads to difficulty trusting your spouse, impacts your sense of well-being, and hurts you emotionally. If your spouse is concerned about protecting your feelings and safeguarding your marriage, they will be willing to listen to your concerns.

It’s important not to accuse, and to give your spouse time to explain. Keep an open mind and try not to make assumptions. It’s possible your spouse may not realize how their interactions have been coming across.

Finally, Pay Attention To Warning Signs

Be sure to pay attention to potential warning signs in your spouse’s communication, particularly if something about their online behavior still looks and feels “off.” It’s possible to be hyper-vigilant about a spouse’s online and offline relationships. We’re not suggesting that you treat every friendship with suspicion; instead, listen to your gut when you feel something is wrong. Then, pay closer attention to what’s happening.

You should be more concerned about your spouse’s online interactions if they display:

Seeing a trusted therapist or marriage mentor could help the two of you communicate better about your online activities, and help you resolve conflict. It’s important to get to a place where you both feel comfortable with the digital worlds you’re spending time in, and more secure in your relationship as a couple. Getting help from a trusted third party can help you overcome miscommunication and get on the right path.

We recommend layering more nurturing, loving conversations into your daily interactions, too. Our book, Love Talk Starters, contains 275 conversation starters that inspire intimate connection and deep conversations. If you’re feeling unsure where to start, this book can help.

If you saw your spouse flirting online, what would you do? Have you ever dealt with this situation before? Share your thoughts in the comments.